


her worth

by mcgidlesandwich



Series: daily dose of (g)i-dle [2]
Category: (여자)아이들 | (G)I-DLE
Genre: Angst, Author Is Sleep Deprived, F/F, Fluff, It gets better I swear, Short & Sweet, i think there’s angst, just a tiny bit, really tiny, soojin is a sad little babie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-20
Updated: 2021-01-20
Packaged: 2021-03-12 03:02:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,838
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28878423
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcgidlesandwich/pseuds/mcgidlesandwich
Summary: Seo Soojin was no more than a trainee at Cube that struggled with every single choreography, a trainee that had her voice cracking at every high note that was given to her, a trainee with an extremely shy and reclusive personality. She was a trainee, but she was everything an idol was not. It was even worse when Yeh Shuhua, a trainee from Taiwan took her heart by a storm and she had to suffer the consequences of what she thinks is unrequited love, suffering because she was no more than a good-for-nothing trainee at Cube.orseo soojin is still a shy gay baby and shuhua doesn’t help with that, or does she
Relationships: Seo Soojin/Yeh Shuhua
Series: daily dose of (g)i-dle [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2118336
Comments: 3
Kudos: 85





	1. those questions

To say that Soojin was intimidated was an understatement.

She was surrounded by very talented individuals with more potential than she could ever hold. Soojin was mediocre at best, a background character with no chance of making it out on the stage.

But she still tried, she begged and pleaded with her parents, crying herself to sleep each night when she was turned down once again by her father. And maybe they were right, they only cared for her well-being and was afraid she wouldn’t get far. Maybe they were right when they told her they weren’t sure if she wasn’t good enough, that she was too shy and she would be holding herself back.

The group she was supposed to debut with, (G)I-DLE, had everything they needed to become the next generation’s favorite group. Meanwhile, Soojin still sobbed into her pillow each night because she just wasn’t good enough to be anything but a scared trainee at Cube.

Soyeon, their leader who was all too small to even reach the top of the cupboard, tried her best everyday to keep her future members’ spirits up, to encourage them to try harder everyday.

She was a good leader, and it worked for them. Or for most of them, Soojin’s faith in herself diminished every day that passed by and even her same-age friend could do nothing to console her.

Minnie was the first to see Soojin’s internal struggles, she was the first to come up to her and ask if she was doing alright and if she needed anything from her.

“Soojin? What’s going on? You’ve been really quiet lately.”

Not like she wasn’t extremely silent in the first place but at least before she cracked a small smile or spoke in her tiny font voice every so often, now she was just completely silent.

”I’m okay, Min. Just tired.” She tried her best to put on a smile so her member wouldn’t worry too much but Soojin could see the cogs turning in her head, signifying that she didn’t believe her.

”Soo—“ Minnie was thankfully cut off from asking anymore questions when Soyeon burst through the practice studio doors with their trainer in tow.

_  
  


Minnie never bothered her after that, knowing the younger didn’t want to express herself just yet, but that didn’t stop her from sparing worried glances towards Soojin.

Soyeon was next to come up to her and force her to sit down in her studio, cornering Soojin and pestering her with questions.   
  


Minnie must’ve said something to Soyeon and being the caring leader she is, she took action.

”What’s been happening lately, Soo? You know you can always talk to me right? We’re a group but we’re family too. Is this about debuting? Did you not want to anymore?” 

As much as it pained Soyeon to even think about that possibility, she needed to ask. Though the small leader could never bare debuting her group without a member, it was always safe to bring it up.

”What? No, no.. no.. I’m okay. Just tired.”

She was always tired these days, no matter how much sleep she got or how much sleep she didn’t get, she was always exhausted in the morning.

”Tired? It’s okay to talk to me, I’m not going to judge you. Is this about the practice? You were perfect, Soojin. I think you did better than all of us in there!” Soojin wished they weren’t just empty words, she wished Soyeon didn’t say things she thought would make Soojin feel better.

She wanted to hear the painful truth and go back home to her father crying about how he was right all along and that she was just nothing.

”I’m okay, Soyeon. I promise, I’m just really tired today.” Despite wanting to press Soojin for the true answer, the leader brought her in for a hug and allowed her to leave.

”Never be afraid to talk to me— or any of us.”

_  
  


Miyeon never saw anything wrong even when it was right in her face, not that Soojin was trying to be rude or that she hated the eldest, but Miyeon was rather... oblivious, slow.

But maybe she was wrong, because when Miyeon came up to her with her favorite cold drink and two bowls of tteokbokki one day as they lounged around in the dorms, it was safe to say Soojin was taken aback.

It was quiet for a few moments as they ate before Miyeon spoke up and shifted over to sit closer to the younger.

”Are you sad, Soojin?”

It was all she asked, but Soojin felt her heart break slightly. She was acting so off she was pretty sure everyone could tell. The only thing Soojin prided herself on was being able to conceal her feelings easily, no matter how strong they were.

”No. I’m okay, Unnie. Just sleepy, thank you for the food.” And just like always, Soojin brushed off the question the best she could with that small smile she always tried to put on.

”I know you’re not okay. But I’m not going to pressure you, just... just know i’m always here for you. And no matter what time of day it is, you can always come to me if anything is bothering you.” 

The members cared for her so much and Soojin would burst into tears right there if she hadn’t dumped all of them onto her pillow in the middle of a sad night.

”Thank you..” For now, she would set aside her internal problems and lean her head onto Miyeon’s shoulder as she finished her noodles in silence.

_

Yuqi.. Yuqi was something different because Soojin was peacefully staring off into space and deprecating herself on the inside when the younger burst into her room with a shout.

”Seo Soojin!” Wincing at the informal use of her name, she turned with a mildly shocked expression. Her only question was how did the younger get into her dorm when she didn’t even room with Soojin.

”Yuqi? Can I help you?” 

Soojin knew what the Beijing girl was going to ask. 

“You tell me what’s going on with you right now, and no excuses or some bullshit reasoning like you’re tired! Because I know you’re not just tired!” Huffing in her place at the door, Yuqi crossed her arms and attempted to look stern.

Really, she just looked like a pouting kitten, so cute.

Struggling to hold back the urge to smile at the adorable sight, Soojin cocked her head to the left in faux confusion.

”Eh? What do you mean. I’m serious, I’ve only been tired. Nothing’s wrong.” Yuqi whined and stomped her foot, annoyed at the cold answer she got.

”Stop lying! I hate liars, you wanna fight, Soojin? You feeling frustrated at the practices? Fight me then! Tell me what’s wrong.” Bouncing on the balls of her feet, Soojin thinks Yuqi forgot that the older had taken years of Taekwondo.

”Right. I’m okay, Yuqi. Seriously. There’s no need to worry.” This went on for the next thirty minutes, Yuqi nudging the older and trying to entice her to release her problems or fifth her and Soojin pushing her away with a frown.

_

The only person that hadn’t come up to her and ask if she was okay was their maknae, Shuhua. While it did set her off a little, Soojin thought she had no reason to feel this way as she didn’t even like people asking her if she was okay.

But it was different when Soojin was harboring a giant mass of feelings for the youngest girl. She always acted indifferent and gave Shuhua the cold shoulder when the maknae would come up to her and shower her with love.

Truth was, Soojin gay panicked. She panicked so much and so often when Shuhua was around, she would end up complaining about the overflowing affection and shove the girl away in hopes of slowing down her rapidly beating heart.

She was torn because, a part of her was glad the girl left her alone, ignored her even on some of these days, but a large side of her wanted to just bury herself in Shuhua’s arms and hear the girl asking Soojin over and over if she was okay.

Every single night when the rest of the group went back to the dorms after vocal practice or dance practice, Soojin stayed and forced herself to try and perfect everything. Though it seemed that she only got worse, so she put in more hours. She went home bruised and aching, her voice nearly gone for the night and her eyes puffy from crying on the studio floor because she couldn’t get anything right.

She wished Shuhua asked her if she was okay, she wished the girl would hold her at night and Soojin wished she knew how to deal with her feelings and wouldn’t push the younger girl away each time. 

But did she really want that when she already knew the answer she would tell Shuhua? That she was just tired, and not that she was suffocating on the inside because she just wasn’t good enough.


	2. soojin won the just dance competition

Soojin was tired, and it wasn’t just an excuse this time

Her legs were numb and she’s lost all feeling in her arms from all the movement she’s been doing. She didn’t know what time it was anymore, drowning herself in the same choreography over and over in hopes of ridding herself of those negative thoughts that plagued her every waking thought.

The other girls had turned in for the night, getting the well deserved rest they needed. Soojin, did not, she didn’t deserve rest when she was doing this terrible. 

Wiping the sweat off her forehead and neck with a towel, she resumed the music and fell into the beat. At times she closed her eyes and envisioned herself moving about a stage with lights beaming all around her. She felt the rhythm and let her feet guide her, doing her best to remember what her trainer told her.

Those jazz classes she took all those years ago never fled from her mind, putting all her work into smoothing out the twists and turns the best she could. If she wanted to get anywhere she needed to push herself.

There was swear running down her back and down her face but that didn’t deter her for a moment. Soon enough the faults she had in her dance faded away, she no longer tripped on certain parts and her movements were sharp and precise. It was perfect, _she,_ was perfect.

But did Soojin herself see that? No.

Shuhua did though, she stared, unashamed and with her jaw dropped, her eyes following Soojin’s figure swiftly navigating itself across the studio floor. The sensual sway of her hips to the gentle, almost romantic dip of her body. 

She was well aware of the self doubts Soojin had, she heard her sobs every night as Shuhua sat outside her door with her head in her hands contemplating whether or not she should go inside and comfort the older girl. Shuhua saw the light dimming in her eyes every time Soojin came through the doors of their practice room.

It broke Shuhua each and every time she saw that beautiful smile no longer show up and instead a subtle frown in its place. Her heart no longer beat wildly when she heard that breathy laugh when Soojin found her stupid antics funny, but it no longer did that because she rarely ever heard it anymore.

She missed it.

Dearly, so stepping as quietly as she could into the studio, Shuhua dropped her back and jacket on a nearby couch. Eyes still stuck on Soojin’s face, her eyes closed and the music thrumming through her ears.

The next song was paired with a dance that could be done with a partner.   
  


Shuhua let Soojin reenact the first persons’ movements, like there was someone right behind her completing it. Though the older didn’t have to imagine anymore when Shuhua stepped up behind her and put steady hands on narrow hips.

”Eh?” 

Soojin’s eyes opened in a hurry, wanting to see who the intruder was and who had their hands on her. When she saw Shuhua giving her a shy smile through the mirror, all her panic washed away and she gave one back.

Soojin continued flowing with the rhythm, feeling Shuhua follow in her steps. And not to be cliche, but the older could almost tell they fit perfectly. 

The song slowed considerably and the older felt Shuhua lay her chin on her shoulder, still dancing the best they could with the lack of space.

When it was coming to an end, Soojin had taken the position in front instead of the back where Shuhua was, the ending movement was her arm jutting out. Like she was reaching for something just a little too far, like her body was yearning for something she could never have, and maybe that wasn’t just part of a dance move anymore.

It didn’t stop there though, her train of thought screeched to a halt when another hand crawled up the length of her arm and fingers intertwined with her outstretched hand. Nimble digits lacing together with her own.

“You're perfect the way you are, Jin. I know how you’ve been feeling lately, I know you better than they all do. And I know you feel like you aren’t enough, but believe me when I tell you you’re the only person I can look at when you dance or sing because you’re perfect. Stop doubting yourself when there’s no need to.”

All those words were whispered into her ear, half way through Shuhua’s rant, Soojin could no longer stare into those near pitch black eyes that were full of adoration. So she closed her own, letting the younger’s words sink into her skin.

”I always feel like I’m not good enough, Shu..”

There was wetness falling down her face and she couldn’t tell if they were sweat or tears anymore. It was only confirmed when she heard herself sniffle, a hand coming up to delicately wipe her sadness away.

”Then I’ll always be here to tell you that you are, that you’ll always be good enough. You’re debuting with all of us and you’ll shine just as bright as the rest of us because you deserve it and because you’re perfect.” 

Was this a confession? Or were these comfort words from one friend to another friend, the latter being left with a broken heart if that was the case.

Soojin couldn’t bring herself to open her eyes, because she knew if she did, she would make direct eye contact with Shuhua and all the words she’s kept inside for so long would spill out.

Seeming to read her mind, the younger stepped in front of her and held her face in her hands like she would break if she was any rougher.

”Open your eyes, JinJin.” That wasn’t fair, Soojin was weak for that nickname. It made her melt inside but it’s not like she would admit that.  
  


”That’s not fair, Shu.” The girl chuckled, it warmed her heart, causing Soojin to almost collapse at the sound.

”It’s not fair if your eyes are closed during the entire time of what I’m about to say, you just look like you’re ignoring it.” She didn’t have any other choice, Soojin was curious to hear what the other had to say and what expression she wore.

The first thing that greeted her was a soft smile, one that set a blaze in her being and she had to hold back the urge to squish the younger’s cheeks.

”My eyes are open..” Shuhua’s eyes darted between Soojin’s, searching for any emotion she didn’t like.

”I love you.” It’s not like Shuhua hasn’t said it before in front of everyone, endlessly teasing the shy girl until Soojin pushed her away from her.

This felt different, much different from every other time Shuhua’s said it playfully, it didn’t feel like a careless sentence being thrown around just for jokes.

”What?” Why did she say that.

Why was that the first thing to come to her mind.

”I love you. And it hurts me when you think that I don’t, or when you don’t love yourself.” Shuhua was being sincere and Soojin didn’t know whether to cry or kiss her.

So she did both, with waterfalls cascading down her cheeks, she swallowed her shyness and pulled Shuhua in for a kiss by the back of her neck. 

For a second the younger’s eyes were wide open until she realized what was happening and she shut them quickly before pulling Soojin closer by her hips, rubbing her thumb underneath her shirt.

It was messy, with salt mixing in with their saliva and their lips desperately capturing the other. Was it what Soojin dreamt of for her first kiss? 

Not at all.

Was she complaining?

Not one bit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this wasn’t exactly how i wanted it to go, but here ya go


End file.
